What I learned from a nine-year-old.
Teaching Howard was my very first post. Since that time I have made several changes and really want to share Howard’s story with you again. Howard taught me about the importance of baby steps and how minor accomplishments can propel us all to great places if we persevere.
Teaching Howard
Before becoming a therapist, I spent a decade in the public school system teaching elementary and middle school children. I vividly remember my first experience as a professional educator. It was my senior year at Virginia Tech, and I was working as a student teacher at an inner city school in Roanoke, Virginia. One of my first responsibilities as an intern was to give my fourth grade class a spelling test.
Howard, a nine-year old boy who had recently been removed from his extremely abusive home, handed in his paper with only his name at the top and numbers one through twenty written vertically down the paper. Beside each number he had left blank where all of the spelling words were to be listed. When I showed the paper to my supervising teacher, she explained that Howard had given up hope of ever passing a test and now refused to even try.
After hearing this, I met with Howard individually and told him that I believed that he had the capability to pass the test and that I only wanted him to work on learning one word. Twenty may have been overwhelming for him, and I knew that he needed a small taste of success, even if it was only spelling one word correctly.
The next week he took the test and actually attempted about half the words. He got just one correct- the one he had been working on. Now you and I both know that getting one out of twenty correct would still earn Howard a failing grade, but this did not need to be pointed out to him. He had progressed! I wanted to get him to believe in himself and visualize passing the test. The only mark that I put on his paper was a big star by the word he spelled correctly. At this point putting an x or circling incorrect words would have discouraged him.
The next week Howard was ready to tackle two spelling words, and several weeks later he had learned to spell all twenty words. You should have seen Howard’s face when a perfect paper was returned to him. Moving forward, Howard would not need weeks to learn his spelling list. He was a bright boy, very capable of learning the words in several days just as the other kids had been doing. Howard just needed confidence. He needed to believe in himself. Baby steps helped him do that. The small successes, learning one word at a time, helped him to believe in himself so that he would try. Baby steps. Twenty appeared overwhelming, but one, he could conquer.
Howard said something to me that day, the day that he earned his very first one hundred percent on a spelling test. He looked at me with absolute amazement in his eyes and said, “Until today, I thought I was stupid and now I know that I am not.” I realized then that this was so much bigger than doing well on a spelling test; this was helping a little boy change the way he perceived himself. As long as he viewed himself as a failure, he refused to try causing him to live up to his own expectation. It had nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with confidence. Howard was able to build the confidence necessary to succeed by taking one baby step. It all began by spelling one word.
What large goal do you need to break down? Try not to overwhelm yourself with the whole picture. Take one small baby step and you may find that your goal is more attainable than you ever imagined.
Happy Evening, Kristin. Another beautiful post again. Thanks for reminding us, our baby steps. Wishing you the very best in all your endeavors.
Thank you so much, Michael. I also wish you the best!
what a beautiful story, and what a gift you gave howard – to learn to see his potential and value. you are a gift, and howard surely still recalls the angel who believed in him. z
Thank you so much for your kind words. That little boy taught me a lot. We lost touch, but I think of him often.
He surely thinks of you as well. It truly is a beautiful story that makes my heart swell. One day you might look up and see his smiling face on television, and he will be mayor of a city, all because one dear person cared enough to give him attention and encourage him. z
Thank you 🙂
This made me cry. I am going to school for a master’s degree – I identify with Howard in many ways. I am going to school for something that I didn’t get my undergraduate degree in – everyday I find myself struggling and losing confidence in my ability to do it. It is my son who keeps me from completely giving up. When I see him going to kindergarten for the first time, in essence learning something for the first time, I think to myself that I can’t give up.
Howard was blessed to have had you for a teacher – and to hear a child tell someone that they thought they were stupid – it makes me terribly sad. How wonderful that you were there for him to be shown, first hand, that he wasn’t stupid; deeper still, show him that not everyone was out to drag him down… his angel indeed.
I needed to read this tonight – maybe my son and I can be angels for each other.
Thank you for your kind comments. Yes- You and your son can be angels for each other. Break what you have to do into baby steps. Concentrate on one semester at a time to get through. You will be a wonderful example for your son.
Thanks for sharing this story, Kristin. As teachers we should always remember the dangers of negative self fulfilling expectations. So much potential for harm, and for good if we get it right.
It’s all about baby steps, isn’t it? It’s almost like coming full circle as you get older and face the challenges of all this new technology. I feel I am in need of that one big star when I get something right. Yesterday it was internal links!!! Took me ages.
Corinne at soulsnet
Technology- internal links. I know what you mean. Look at progress not perfection. Good for you! You get a giant star.
Great story, Kristin. Powerful.
Our special needs child (though he doesn’t seem that way most times!) requires us “reset the bar” frequently and try different teaching techniques. We are constantly flexing. Your approach with Howard seems so simple, but in the public education realm, many teachers forget that EVERY CHILD needs his own level of support and guidance. Many teachers simply do not know how or even what to do when a child gives up. Even fewer parents are willing or even have the time to figure it out and a child quite simply “gets lost in the cracks.” This reality is what keeps me entrenched in the world of school volunteering. If I can empower just one child to succeed…
Thank you for sharing! All children are a joy and deserve every chance to do well, even if it’s just spelling one word right. Many times, that is only the beginning to all he can accomplish.
I agree, Shannon! I am so glad there are people like you willing to volunteer.
Thanks, and it’s refreshing to know there are educators (and healers) out there like yourself who CHOOSE to do this for a living. Keeps my faith in humanity.
Excellent post, Kristin!
Thank you, Sloan. Have a great day:)
Reblogged this on fibrohappiness and commented:
Another great post from Let Life In Practices! Enjoy!
What a beautiful story. No matter what age or occupation, we can learn to take life with “baby steps”. In this day and age, we tend not to slow down, not to think before we speak. With “baby steps” you can learn to take life slower with a greater understanding of what you are worth.
So true! Thank you for commenting 🙂
Beautiful post.
Thank you. Your recipes are great!
What a nice post! Yesterday I had the pleasure of getting to tell my 5th grade teacher what a difference he made in my life. Before his class I rarely made A’s on my report card. Years later I graduated HS in top 20% of my class. So thankful for the teachers who can help us be better one step at a time. Blessings!
That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your comments. Blessings to you too.
This was a wonderful story to end my day. It brought me to tears, because it shows that there is a way around all obstacles. Sometimes it just takes time, and the right people. Thank you for sharing this, and for helping this lovely boy. Not only do you help him, but your story gives us all hope in our struggles in life.
Yaz,
Thank you for the kind words. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend. Kristin