Rejection means one or any combination of the following things.
- There is a lesson that I can learn.
- It really isn’t the best fit for me.
- It is a blessing in disguise. There is something better for me waiting around the corner.
- The timing isn’t right.
- It wasn’t personal.
Here is what rejection does NOT mean.
- I turn into a resentful bitter shell of who I use to be.
- I sink down into a pit of self-pity.
- I give up.
- I allow others to define my self-worth.
- I am flawed.
If I so much as entertain any of the things that rejection is NOT, I miss out on the lesson to be learned, and I miss out on the opportunities that have yet to present themselves.
Joel Osteen writes,
“Don’t let other people, systems, or circumstances influence your estimation of your value. You may have gone through some traumatic, painful experiences in which somebody mistreated you, used you, or rejected you. Maybe your husband or wife walked out on you and you went through a bitter divorce. Maybe a good friend turned on you for no reason, and you feel alone and worthless. Or, maybe you felt rejected as a child, and you are living with feelings of guilt and shame. Perhaps you’ve even convinced yourself that the negative things that happened in your past are all your fault, that you deserve nothing but heartache, pain, guilt, and condemnation.
Friend, nothing could be farther from the truth.”
Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now (Faith Words: New York, 2004), 68.
Excellent post Kristin. Life is full of peaks and troughs. We can’t appreciate the peaks without the troughs. We can’t run down hill whooping and hollering unless we first climb UP the hill. Rejection is just another trough, when we can see it like this, we begin to look forward to the peak that’s coming! 🙂
Thanks, Stuart. Peaks and troughs- so true! Enjoy the peaks, learn through the troughs.
Great post and reminder Kristin. A book that transformed my life is “The Four Agreements” where I learned: “Don’t take anything personally” and “don’t make assumptions.”
As I worked with my wife and a family friend and counselor, I learned that I was making a lot of assumptions and the “rejection” I was feeling was self-imposed. For me, rejection can only have power when I am willing to feed it.
A transformative conversation was when our friend told me that if you take a chronic victim and a chronic aggressor who have never met before and place them in a room of 10,000 good people – she is convinced that the two will find each other in short order. Not that the aggressor would find the victim – but that they would find each other. I have decided to no longer seek out the aggressor.
Thanks for the reminder!
Related blog: “Other People’s Poison” //http://wp.me/p1tluX-vZ
http://www.LearnActShare.com
Pete- Thank you so much for sharing this. I will check out the related blog. Yes, I learned a lot from “The Four Agreements” as well. I also believe what your friend told you about the 10,000 people. I am glad that you no longer seek out the aggressor. Have a terrific weekend. Kristin
Yes, I have read The Four Agreements as well and its really so good! it has transformed my views in life as well. one of my best read books :))
Love it, too!
Dear Kristin,
As always, one is assured of grounded solid truths coming here. I have Joel Osteen’s books and audio CDs a treasure to my heart. Thank you so much and Happy Women’s Day! Sharon
Thank you so much, Sharon. I love his books, too. I hope that you have a terrific weekend!
Great reminders – I feel like I’ve been facing rejection after rejection for a while now, and I had kind of lost sight of the exact point you make: I’m taking it personally, when it’s not about me. I’m working on keeping faith that the right things will fall into place when the time is right, even if I’m continuing to struggle until they do (and wonder what’s taking so long to get it right). Thank you. Definitely what I needed to hear today.
Hang in there, Sarah. Many people don’t get what they really want because they just give up too soon. Others don’t have to change goals, they just have to change the path to get there. 🙂
Hey Friend, A sick kid at home has me blogging today. I would amend this query with the concept of …..Rejection is a process. It is human nature to suffer pain, guilt and possibly self condemnation when in the presence of being rejected. I believe the negative impact of rejection is unavoidable at its onset. However, the real tool is to recognize the negative feelings that as humans, we subconsciously evoke, and reason through them with all of your reminder “DO’s”. The rejection lessons that you offer are so enlightening and a wonderful mantra to practice on a regular basis as rejection quite simply is a part of life and the ability to maneaver through its difficulties is a skill that must be practiced to lesson its blow.
Great to hear from you, SB. I love your insight! So well said. We do have to recognize our negative feelings and reason through. Hope your child feels better!
Thank you. As always, great reminders.
You are so welcome!
Your thoughts always give me a lot to think about– thanks for the inspiration!
You are welcome!
Something writers have to learn very well!
So true!
Great post Kristin, I really like Joel Osteen also. Have a great Friday!
You too, Tina!
Thank you for sharing this!