People filled with self-contempt project their feelings onto others and then become angry with the person holding their projection. In other words, they assume others judge them as harshly as they judge themselves and this makes them furious. They do not realize that the judgments that anger them are coming from within. They may retaliate and act out in aggressive ways, never knowing that they are reacting to their own version of reality.
If you suffer from chronic anger, look within. Letting go of bitterness, resentment, and harsh self-judgments will improve all of your relationships. It may just save your life.
When I felt frustrated or angry, I started asking myself, “Will this really matter five years from now?” If the answer was no, I could more easily let it go.
That works well for me, too. 🙂
Great article Kristin. I will be presenting at a medical conference next month and have asked my brother who holds the same credentials as you to come do a workshop on anger management and how to detect and handle the angry patient. This is a very important topic, especially in the times we are living.
I agree, Tina. People don’t usually realize how much of their own “stuff” they project onto everyone else. For example, a person who feels worthless is going to think that everyone else thinks that he is worthless. He will then be mad at the world for thinking that he is worthless. I hope that your conference goes well.
Kristin,
That is, probably, the best explanation of how transference works that I have ever read!
I am going to post it on my blog under page of “Intriguing Posts I have Found”. If you would rather I didn’t, please let me know.
Scott
Sound great! Please feel free to use it. I took it from the book that I am currently writing.
Ah, good book then. Keep me posted on that.
I sure will. Thank you! Next week my blog will turn into thesnowballeffect.com. Please check it out in several days- I will keep you informed about the book. The Snowball Effect: How to Build Positive Momentum in Your Life.
At the age of 78 I am writing my memoir. The crucial turning point in my life was letting go of self-contempt. This process took a few years beginning at age fifty. I like to think that I will live to the age of 125 in good health because the first fifty years of my life were so influenced by the contempt with which I was treated and that I absorbed. In any case every day spent enjoying and sharing self-esteem is worth the struggle to let it go. The whole world is renewed by projecting self-esteem rather than self-contempt. This is my version of “making the world a better place”.
Love your attitude! Best of luck with your memoir!