So your boss wants to talk, and she/he doesn’t look happy. Oh, great, you secretly think.
No one wants to hear criticism on the job. As humans, we want people to like us and like our work. Of course, we will make mistakes, but it is never easy to have someone point them out.
Alexander Kjerulf explains his “7 Steps to Handle Criticism at Work Well” on his blog, positivesharing.com. I’ve listed his steps below and provided my own brief explanations. Kjerulf also covers the topics, Never Put Up With Attacks in the Workplace and Feedback is a Gift , in his blog post. If you’d like to read Kjerulf’s full article, click the links above.
1. Listen
Really listen to what your boss is saying rather than thinking about a defense. Ask questions to make sure you understand. Showing that you’re an engaged listener shows that you respect and value his or her opinion, and you may just learn something along the way.
2. Assume good intentions
Assume the person is giving you feedback to help you grow and improve your job performance. In most cases, criticism at work isn’t meant to attack you or hurt your feelings.
3. Do not get defensive and start making excuses
Be humble, and say what you’ve learned from the discussion.
4. Don’t take it personally
This isn’t about you as a person; it’s about your work. The problem being addressed doesn’t take away from all the wonderful things that you have done. It doesn’t take away from your worth. Keep your “all or none” thinking in check.
5. See criticism as help
It’s up to you to turn criticism into “constructive criticism.” Instead of denying, rationalizing, and blaming others, try to learn something from the experience, even if you really believe the criticism is unjustified. There is probably a lesson in there somewhere.
6. Don’t be too hard on yourself
Everyone makes mistakes. Getting down on yourself won’t help. Feel empowered to improve, and get excited about the changes you plan to make.
7. Say thank you
Show that you value the feedback. Even if you disagree with the critique, try to find something in it that you do agree with and say thank you.
Are there any tips you can think of that Alexander Kjerulf didn’t mention? Comment and let me know!
Hi Kristin, these are great points and ones that all of us need to learn. As a manager it is also very hard to correct an employee at work, especially when they become defensive. I can spend more time trying to get them to calm down and listen than what it would have taken to explain the error and how to correct it.
It is often very difficult to give some people feedback and suggestions. Many times it is that “all or none” thinking that gets in their way. When corrected, they only hear that they are “all bad” or “no good” and go into defensive mode. From reading all that you write, I have no doubt that you are very skilled at giving feedback, and you still have to spend a lot of time calming people down.
Great post! I’ve had to be in the role of providing constructive criticism many times, and I’ve found that the most difficult thing for most people is not to take the message personally. However constructive the feedback is, often the receiver tends to get defensive and provide excuses, put blame on others etc. I always try to make these discussions fruitful and less painful, but have not always succeed.
Thank you for your comments. I agree with you. Although delivery is extremely important, many people do take it personally and feel threatened even when the constructive criticism is delivered in a positive way. Everyone has insecurities to some degree, but the more insecure a person the less they can tolerate constructive criticism. As long as the criticism is encouraging rather than attacking, a person who is very mature emotionally says, “Bring it on! I want to know what I can do to improve!”
I’m getting ready to start private lessons in Argentine tango, and if I substitute “instructor” for “boss”, I think all these rules will really help me with that! Thank you!
You are so welcome! I think I would need these rules if I were to learn how to tango, too. Sounds fun!
Excellent.
We are not our careers, our jobs, our titles. A healthy self image helps tremendously in vulnerable situations. Trying to escape or judge places handcuffs on these opinions to carry forward.
Edison did not entertain the thought of failure and he never failed. Amazing but true.
We depart this life as we enter without all the crap we have accumulated and desired, coveted more than breath itself.
I think when a door closes, two more open, just be aware and try your best.
Challenges will always be there, the u known is always present.
Thank you for these comments, Marty!
Ha!! So could use this. My “clients” are my kids and my “boss” (only figuratively ;)) is my husband. I love to think of feedback as a gift — it’s what keeps me sane! Sometimes, I get so much feedback that I revert to the smiling bobbing head with a “Yes, Dear” slowly streaming from my mouth. Don’t they know I’m not perfect? Really. I am constantly improving myself — makes my head spin sometimes.
Yep. Nothing personal. Now…if I could just figure our how to get my clients to pay their bills…
Love your stuff. It always makes me smile and hits me right in here (pointing at my heart).
Thank you so much, Shannon!
Funny! Good luck on the bill part. 🙂