COULD IT BE I SEE A FACE AND DISMISS THE VASE?
This morning I read a post written by David Kanigan called “Making Same Mistakes. Certainly.” This post caught my eye right away. It caught my eye for several reasons. One being that I sometimes write about learning from mistakes, yet I definitely have been guilty of making the same mistakes over and over again. If I know that it is in my best interest to learn from my mistakes, then what holds me back from learning from all of them?
As I was reading David’s post, I was reminded of the answer. Many times, not always, but many times, I have repeatedly made the same mistakes due to a lack of insight or a lack of awareness that comes from a refusal to open my mind to a different paradigm. Sure, people may have told me that there was another way or a better way, but I KNEW my way was right. No reason to explore what they were trying to tell me because I knew that they were wrong and I was right. End of the story. End of the conversation. So I thought…
David discusses Eric Barker’s post written about a book titled Power by Stanford business professor, Jeffrey Pfeffer. The book challenges some of David’s originally held beliefs about success in the workplace. David writes, “I’ve read the book and thought NO, NO, NO. I found the research findings to be discouraging and against the grain of everything I believed in. They can’t be right.”
David goes on to say, “Pfeffer is right. Yes, he is. My most important lesson. Right here. My area of repeated mistakes right here.”
The purpose of my post is not for me to decide whether David’s original view (performance is key to workplace success) or Pfeffer’s research (likability is key to workplace success) is correct. (Little secret- I think they are not mutually exclusive.) The purpose of this post is to stress the importance of educating ourselves to different points of view.
Too often we close our minds to anything and everything that does not perfectly align with our own world view. What we do not realize is that by doing this, we are more likely to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. We can’t change what we refuse to acknowledge or even explore.
I see this quite often, not just with myself, but with friends, family members, and clients. It is often the cause of conflict between co-workers, supervisors, and partners in intimate relationships. If the feedback one hears threatens long-held beliefs, the person is very likely to discount the feedback altogether or become angry that it was even brought to their attention. Many times the feedback of another person is not even considered or evaluated for validity. It is often kill the messenger, rather than examine the self.
This reminds me of an optical illusion. You look at the picture and see an ugly witch. Someone else looks at the picture and sees a beautiful woman. You argue your point for hours without examining the other’s view. You are so convinced of what you see that you quit your job or end a relationship. Sounds pretty silly, huh? Believe it or not, this happens all the time- but it may not be about an ugly witch.
By taking the time to evaluate a different point of view, you may learn something new. Your mind may be stretched. Your awareness may be enlarged. You may stop making mistakes that hold you back- mistakes that you did not even know you were making.
“But what if I look at things from multiple angles and still decide that my original angle works best for me?” – You might ask.
I would say back to you, “If you have educated yourself on multiple views and have come to the conclusion that your original angle works best for you- then you have stretched your mind. By having the courage to explore a different perspective, you HAVE expanded your view regardless of your conclusion.”
One True Story With a Made Up Name
John’s dad taught his son to be tough. Growing up, John heard, “Son, don’t you ever let anyone take advantage of you. You get them before they get you.” John heard this over and over again. Now John is grown and cannot seem to hold down a job. It seems that he has a difficult time getting along with people. John’s father’s words are etched in his mind. “Get them before they get you!” John’s supervisors have tried to give John helpful feedback, but John is not open to their perspective. He continues to make the same mistake. “Get them before they get you!”
Wake up, John. It is not working for you!
David, Thank you for inspiring this post with your, “NO NO NO.” P.S. Doing a good job is never a bad idea.
If you are not familiar with David’s blog, you can find it @ www.davidkanigan.com. David is a very talented writer. His posts are often funny, touching, and informative. I encourage you to check it out.
Related articles
- Making Same Mistakes. Certainly. (davidkanigan.com)
- What are the 4 best methods for increasing your power in the workplace? (bakadesuyo.com)
- The World According to Fred (letlifeinpractices.com)
- What five things can make sure you never stop growing and learning? (bakadesuyo.com)
- 35 Simple Ways to Be Beautiful (tinybuddha.com)
Kristin, on point and insightful (as usual). What I have learned (after repeated mistakes and learning through experience), that my mind has opened to alternative paths. I don’t find that I am fully turned away from my original line of thinking – but I’m moved from black and white to gray on the subject – it makes me more aware, more sensitive and more cautious about leaping in. And certainly a better leader and person. Thanks for a terrific post.
Well said, David. I have no doubt that you are an excellent leader! You are always so open to learning and have a passion for sharing your knowledge with others. You, my friend, have both likability and a strong work ethic along with a host of other great qualities that terrific leaders posses.
I love these optical illusions. One thing I noticed when I was looking for the two pictures in them is that just looking aimlessly, it was harder to find the pictures, but when I knew what to look for or had a starting point, it was easier to find what I was looking for. Not sure what that means. Do we see what we want to see? Or does it mean we have to be shown what to look for and follow the example (do as we’re told, see it as we’re told to see it)? That second idea is a bit scary. I don’t want to be that easily led. I bet psychiatrist have fun with these pictures.
I suppose it differs from person to person. I will have to think about that question when I have a little bit more time. I like optical illusions also. Enjoy your weekend.
Great point Kristin. If we just will take the time to look at different points of view we will open ourselves up to so many different views of thought that we never thought of. I remember when it hit me many years ago to really listen and learn from others, it was so life changing. For one to think they they hold the answers…all of the answers is just very sad. They totally are losing out on what a great world we live in. Thanks for the wonderful post!
You are right on. Thanks Tina.
Reblogged this on The Musings of Lady Gwendolynn and commented:
I usually try to listen to feedback from friends or family when I ask for it. I Still sometimes find myself making the same mistakes (not always though). I attribute it to me sometimes just needing that bigger “Push” or that harder slap from the “Clue x 4”, because while I know I’m a pretty intelligent young woman and rather observant – sometimes it takes until the 3rd time of making the same mistake for me to gleam what it is I’m missing.
More often than not though, I find I’m the one trying to give helpful advice or words of wisdom to a friend, family or partner and sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. I know I can definitely think of one person in my recent past of last year who I tried to help like this, but it felt like my words went in one ear and out the other. Really nice to see this post today! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. In one ear and out the other. I have been there. Thank you so much for sharing my post with your readers.
You’re welcome! 🙂
Perspective – one of our greatest teachers. 🙂 Thanks Kristin, very interesting and informative post. Love reading you. 🙂
Means a lot coming from you, Stu. Thank you. Have a great weekend.
Well said, Kristin. I used to be very sure about everything and very binary [true/false, black/white, etc.] but that didn’t work well for me or the people around me. Whenever I find myself getting that way, I think about Nietszche’s quote “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” It helps me get ‘unstuck’…
Me too, Todd. I have learned a very similar lesson over the years. Enjoy your weekend!
Love the write and for the first time (as I have seen this illusion before ) I finally saw the old witch (~_~) some times it takes time to see bith sides
Yes, sometimes it does take time to see both sides. Thank you for adding your comments. Have a great weekend!
Thank you for the invitation to explore the black if I see white or white if I see black and to play with all the gray in between. Great post, Kristin. Thanks!
You are welcome, Vicki. Enjoy your weekend. 🙂
One thing I have a challenge with is while trying to express different points of view, people think you are wishy-washy because you can’t make up your mind instantaneously. Not everything is black and white, so it takes time to discern what is real to you, especially with important issues. Thank you for sharing, Kristin.
I do know what you mean, Liz. Sometimes I just tell people that I need a little bit of time to process whatever it is that I am hearing. Often, I would rather think about something than respond impulsively.
Beautifully presented, Kristin. My gosh, I need to hear it over and over. Thank you. 🙂 ~Paul
Beautifully post, Kristin. !Stefan
I am glad that you liked it, Stefan. Thank you for commenting.