Kenny had been told that he was worthless for as long as he could remember. He was often called a loser and told that he was good for nothing. The fifteen-year-old had no reason to doubt the validity of these messages that were etched deeply within his very being. His father had abandoned the family when he was four. Kenny remembers the day his father left to go to 7-11 for coffee. He never returned. His mother never failed to remind him of her disdain for men, and often let him know that he was just like his father.
Sometimes it doesn’t take much to change a life.
Mr. Smith vividly remembers Kenny walking into his tenth grade English class, quiet and withdrawn, radiating sadness. Over the course of that tenth grade year, Mr. Smith worked with Kenny, helping him to recognize and build upon his strengths. Mr. Smith was consistent, reliable, compassionate, and uplifting- things that Kenny desperately needed. Mr. Smith believed in Kenny, and slowly Kenny began to believe in himself. With the help of Mr. Smith, Kenny began to challenge those beliefs that had been ingrained in him at such a young age. He began to replace them with feelings of self-worth. Mr. Smith’s influence was life changing. Kenny had found someone who believed in him.
Whether we are five or fifty-five, we need to know that someone believes in us. Sometimes, that alone, is the first step towards believing in ourselves. Do not underestimate the power you have to change a life. Take the time to listen to someone, show them empathy, and let them know that you believe in them. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to change a life.
Lovely post Kristin and so true. My tweet this morning coincidentally was: “As the butterfly beats its wings and causes a hurricane, so every life has an effect beyond its comprehension.” Have a great day. 🙂
Thanks, Stuart. I love your quote!
I am always surprised to learn about a struggling home life (or worse) of some of my kids’ classmates. When I get to know the whole classroom through volunteering, one of the things that make it all worthwhile is giving those kids an opportunity to know how special and important they are. It’s a small feat for me – every child deserves at least that.
Sometimes, I wish there was a test to “pass” parents, like a driving exam, or an entry psyche test to become a police officer. There’s much more to parenting than the spreading of genes. Children are our future, for Pete’s sake. I’m glad that Kenny and Mr. Smith found each other.
Shannon, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insight.
Great post, it’s so true! Thank you for the lovely read 🙂
Thanks for reading and commenting, Catherine.
You have a couple of blogs I’d like to reblog when I’m on travel the week of July 23. Do you mind?
Not at all. Please feel free to reblog. Thanks, Hanna. I hope that you are going somewhere fun.
It’s really shocking how a parent can do that to a child – especially to their own!
Yes- I agree. I see it way too much.
I think teachers are fantastic. They were always there everyday, reliable and ready to help. Something my parents weren’t. I have a lot of gratitude for my teachers for this.
It’s amazing what a balanced adult can do for you just by being a role model.
Terrific post Kim..and also brings to mind that there are some kids/people that are so well-defended that it takes an enormous amount of effort to get them to the point where they trust the perspective of someone who believes in them. Once they get to that point of trust, wonderful things can happen. But for others, it takes time – and someone who is willing to dig in and keep believing – even when faced with a lot of resistance..
Hmmm. I don’t want to have to depend on someone else to believe in me to be actualized. I need to believe in myself more than I need someone else to do it…
True. However, many children grow up in abusive families making self-actualization difficult without having a role model believe in them. As a therapist, I have seen individuals make remarkable progress- This is due to skills learned, but also due to the relationship in therapy. In short, believing in self, regardless of external factors, is the goal. Many children need help getting there.
Kristin, this is an excellent post for many reasons. In addition to the example you gave, it also reminds us that we never know what someone else has gone through (what they’re carrying around in their invisible back pack). If we can even share smiles, look others in the eyes . . . and SEE them, that can make a huge difference. Thanks for teaching compassion by example! Blessings, Sloan
Thanks, Sloan. Invisible backpack, so true.
Powerful story Kristin…
At times parents can be the most dangerous people on earth.
Kristin I love this it’s almost the motto by which I live and I’ve seen it in action. It works and as a Counsellor i saw it work. I’ll be back t blogging in three days as I’ve had to go away but just wanted to touch base. Thks
Thank you for your comments. I agree. I have seen it work. Let someone know that you believe in them!