“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choice.” -Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
It never feels good to be dumped! Although it may not be anything personal, we still feel the stinging rejection. We miss the things that we considered good in the relationship. We often fear being alone. We don’t like change. But we often miss the bigger picture when we are enveloped in fear, grief or desperate attachment.
Many people come into my office distraught because someone has ended a relationship with them. Many times the relationship was never healthy in the first place. They have a difficult time seeing that this person may have actually done them a favor.
Going through a break up gives us the opportunity to reflect on the situation, on the relationship, and most importantly on ourselves. We must look at our patterns if we are to grow and eventually get ourselves into healthier more fulfilling relationships that consist of mutual love and respect.
If we have a pattern of getting into relationships that leave us feeling mistreated and disrespected, we must take a look at what we are doing or not doing to attract such people. We teach people how to treat us. When we love and respect ourselves, we do not attract people who treat us poorly.
Too often people go from one relationship to the next repeating the same old patterns that have never worked for them. I have had clients tell me that all men or all women are cheaters, abusers, and so on. This is not true! The clients are acting in a way that attracts these people to them. When they learn to love and respect themselves, the abusers in the world will not even know they exist.
Use rejection as an opportunity to grow. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned. Maybe it really wasn’t meant to be. Maybe the rejection is a blessing in disguise and something bigger and better is just around the corner.
Have you ever experienced a rejection that opened the door to something really great?