If you tell your children that they are stupid and worthless, they will believe you. If you tell your children that they are capable of wonderful things, they will believe you, too. What do you want your children to believe?
Children internalize messages that they hear from their parents, regardless of the message’s validity. Young children believe that their parents know best. This means that your young children take whatever you say to heart. If you become frustrated by your child’s mistake and you call him or her stupid, your child will not only believe you, but will continue to call him or herself the same thing.
What you say to a child sticks like glue and the child may continue to say the same thing to themselves for the rest of their lives. I have heard this “voice” referred to as a parental interject. Your voice, what you say to a child, becomes like a tape in that child’s head- playing over and over again.
We need to be cognizant of what we say to our children both verbally and through our body language. A child who believes he is worthy will approach the world in a much different way than a child who believes that he is worthless.
Children who believe that they are capable and worthy will often rise to the occasion and feel good about themselves. Whereas children who believe that they are incapable or unworthy will sell themselves short on just about everything in life.
As parents, we need to really watch what messages we are sending to our children. Yes, children do need discipline, but so do we.
Ha – I think we may have overdone it with Ming – he has self-esteem coming out of his pores!
🙂
Great post Kristen, I have seen the damage in so many young people from parents who for some reason did not realize what treasures they had been given and didn’t show or speak the value that their children were and are.
I have seen it, too.
Excellent post…you should include this in every parenting magazine!
Many parents don’t know how much their messages can help or harm their children.
Truly said… We adopt those things where we live. Similarly, children adopt and imitate whatever we perform no matter it is positive or negative.
I have read in Dale Carnegie’s book that before criticizing to your juniors or children, first think how you used to respond when you were at his/her age then you will realize that these children are far better than what you were. Rather than putting negative things we actually must praise them and would inject positive things in their mind.
Secondly, we should never fight or use bad words in front of them because they are imitating you at every point of time.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful article. It made me remind Dale Carnegie’s chapter. 🙂
You are so welcome! Thank you.
Such a valuable message, Kristin. I’m all for a world law that requires all parents to be exposed to this reality and its potential consequences before they’re allowed to take their newborn home from the hospital. Then, we could all sing along with Satchmo, “What A Wonderful World.” 🙂 ~Paul
One of my all time favorite songs!
That’s so true. Which of us don’t remember little things our parents said to them when we were young. Even trivial things like “don’t cook the wooden spoon” (take it out of the pot). So if that kind of thing stuck in my mind, the more important things certainly did. It’s important to convey a positive image and encouragement.
Very true, Anneli.
Love that last line..It sums up exactly what I try to apply. I read this quote recently and I thought you would like it when I read this terrific post.
“It’s easier to bring up a child than it is to repair and adult. Choose your words wisely”
Keep up the great work. Blessings to you!
Blessings to you, too.
Reblogged this on Truth Bearer and commented:
The old addage, “Children live what they learn is very true. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21).
Sweet Noel, Thank you for sharing this with your readers.
So true! Every child needs a parental cheering squad. We all goof up, but do we really need to have our faces rubbed in it? Adults should practice more verbal discipline. If it’s neither nice nor helpful, does it need to be said? It’s hard enough being a kid these days without having to deal with disappointed, unrestrained parents. Nice post, Kristin.
🙂
Thank you so much for sharing my post.