Healthy relationships are like two hula hoops partially overlapping without one totally covering the other. They overlap and share a common area while maintaining their separate identity. Like a venn diagram, the middle is the WE. The WE is strong, but the YOU to the left and the ME to the right still exists.
If our hula hoops don’t intersect at all, there is too much distance. If one hula hoop totally covers the other, individuality disappears, and enmeshment and co-dependency remain.
Inspect your relationship. Does it have balance? Does it have an I, a YOU, and a WE?
Writing about Passive Aggression says
So, can there be both too much distance AND too much covering?
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Absolutely! This is a dance that infects many relationships. Many times a fear of intimacy is at the root. People in relationships often swing back and forth without achieving a healthy balance. Many times, one person desperately clings causing another to withdraw. Then the person who was clinging will either cling tighter or withdraw themselves. When the original clinger withdraws, the original withdrawer clings. It is an unhealthy dance. Therapy can help. Thank you for your awesome question!
Anonymous says
So simply put and understandable and so very true!
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Thank you!
jennifertemp says
So simply put but so easy to understand and so true!
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
I am glad!
stuartart says
That’s an excellent visual concept Kristin. I suppose the question is: How much overlap should there be in an ideal relationship. I guess it fluctuates! 🙂
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
It fluctuates, but hopefully not too much.
wordsfromanneli says
I’m not sure I can get my husband to put on a hula hoop ;-), but it’s a good analogy.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
You put a smile on my face with this one!
Amy says
Well said. But, both will need to understand and know how and when, perhaps…
Tina Del Buono, PMAC says
Love it…simple and straight forward 🙂
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Thanks, Tina!
jennifertempj says
I love the last comment and it is so true that it takes two to make things work – one sided relationships are not happy ones!
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
🙂