The Snowball Effect

Kristin Cuthriel

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Healthy Relationships

April 5, 2013 Kristin 15 Comments

hulaHealthy relationships are like two hula hoops partially overlapping without one totally covering the other. They overlap and share a common area while maintaining their separate identity. Like a venn diagram, the middle is the WE. The WE is strong, but the YOU to the left and the ME to the right still exists.

If our hula hoops don’t intersect at all, there is too much distance. If one hula hoop totally covers the other, individuality disappears, and enmeshment and co-dependency remain.

Inspect your relationship. Does it have balance? Does it have an I, a YOU, and a WE?

Relationships co-dependency, healthy relationships, relationships

Comments

  1. Writing about Passive Aggression says

    April 5, 2013 at 11:25 am

    So, can there be both too much distance AND too much covering?

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 12:57 pm

      Absolutely! This is a dance that infects many relationships. Many times a fear of intimacy is at the root. People in relationships often swing back and forth without achieving a healthy balance. Many times, one person desperately clings causing another to withdraw. Then the person who was clinging will either cling tighter or withdraw themselves. When the original clinger withdraws, the original withdrawer clings. It is an unhealthy dance. Therapy can help. Thank you for your awesome question!

      Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    April 5, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    So simply put and understandable and so very true!

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  3. jennifertemp says

    April 5, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    So simply put but so easy to understand and so true!

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 12:58 pm

      I am glad!

      Reply
  4. stuartart says

    April 5, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    That’s an excellent visual concept Kristin. I suppose the question is: How much overlap should there be in an ideal relationship. I guess it fluctuates! 🙂

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      It fluctuates, but hopefully not too much.

      Reply
  5. wordsfromanneli says

    April 5, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    I’m not sure I can get my husband to put on a hula hoop ;-), but it’s a good analogy.

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      You put a smile on my face with this one!

      Reply
  6. Amy says

    April 5, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    Well said. But, both will need to understand and know how and when, perhaps…

    Reply
  7. Tina Del Buono, PMAC says

    April 5, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    Love it…simple and straight forward 🙂

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      Thanks, Tina!

      Reply
  8. jennifertempj says

    April 6, 2013 at 1:21 am

    I love the last comment and it is so true that it takes two to make things work – one sided relationships are not happy ones!

    Reply
    • Kristin Barton Cuthriell says

      April 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      🙂

      Reply

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