Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
Riding the Wave of Emotion
Who said that we are to be happy all the time? We all have rough days. Days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Days when we would rather not get out of bed. Days when one thing after another seems to go wrong.
Then there are days when we are really hurting, and our emotional pain seems just too overwhelming; so overwhelming that we feel like we need to stop it immediately.
We feel like we would do just about anything to make the pain subside. We want it to just go away! Yes, we often want a quick fix. However, that quick fix is sometimes destructive, and what we really need is courage, patience, and time.
A quick fix? A drink, a pill, four pieces of chocolate cake, internet porn, sex, an excessive shopping spree, suicidal thoughts, self-harming behaviors….
Yes, many people get desperate for a quick fix in times of pain.
But if we can just stop for a moment, identify the emotions that we are experiencing, accept that they are there without judging them, and remind ourselves that they will pass, we may find the courage to endure them for a little while.
Learning to ride the wave of emotion is a skill that can be learned. Accepting and tolerating the emotion without jumping to a quick fix must be practiced to be mastered. But it is very possible. Sometimes when we experience difficult emotion, we think that we will never feel joy again. Writing positive affirmations down on paper when things are going well can be helpful; it reminds us that we have survived discomfort in the past.
When experiencing difficult feelings, talk to yourself in accepting and nonjudgmental ways. Positive self-talk may go something like this. Okay, I am feeling______. And that is okay. I am going to accept that this is a bad day, and know that tomorrow, I may not feel this way. I may not even feel this way in a few hours. If I can hold on and endure these feelings without doing______ (self-destructive behavior), I know that I will make it through and eventually feel better.
Your moment to moment, day by day emotions are temporary. Sometimes you just need to ride the wave. It will pass.
*If you have been experiencing feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness for several days, having suicidal thoughts, or are unable to stop a self-destructive behavior, please see your physician or mental health professional immediately. In many cases, it is not in your best interest to ride the emotional wave alone.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell, MEd, MSW, LCSW
Kristin is a licensed psychotherapist and author of the book, The Snowball Effect: How to Build Positive Momentum in Your Life. To find out more about The Snowball Effect and how to turn your momentum around, click here. In The Snowball Effect, Kristin combines real life moving stories about people who have endured extreme hardship and learned how to experience joy again. She also offers easy to digest tools and techniques to get us moving in the right direction.
This is such an important life lesson…so glad you touched on the subject and shared your thoughts….so important to allow ourselves to feel whatever it is we are feeling without judgement….we can learn so much truth from this practice alone…..blessings to you
Celeste
We are on the same page. Observation without judgment. Blessings to you too.
I was surfing this wave earlier in the week. I love the perspective that you give. It is always truly enlightening. I will offer another spin on your fine outlook. We have to endure the pain and difficulties in order to appreciate and enjoy the highs and euphorias of life. I absolutely love the roller coaster climb after I struggle through a difficult time. I know that when I undergo a personal struggle, it is just a matter of time until I will emerge from whatever cloud that traps me to feel the warmth that my higher experiences will bring. I am thankful for both extremes, the yin and yang. They contribute to who I am constantly evolving into.
SB, I agree with you. Struggles not only make us stronger, they help us to appreciate the good in life. Thank you for your comments.
Reblogged this on My Perspective and commented:
Another great post — you have a gift!
Todd, Thank you for the reblog.
I’ve found that making a list of positive things works well. Even if it’s writing down one good thing that happened that day, After a few days when I read it over, it looks pretty good and I feel better.
Absolutely. I could not agree more. Never loose sight of the good in life. Thanks for your comments.
Great reminder to get to the root of emotions. This is my journey after a lifetime of over reacting. Couldn’t ride the wave until I understood where it started. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was to start working with a therapist. … Thanks for sharing … Dorothy 🙂
Many times it helps to connect the dots, identify patterns, and become cognizant of the root. The working through process takes courage. Good for you. Thank you for sharing.
Great post Kristin. 4 Pieces of Chocolate Cake for me…
Thank you, David. Try riding the emotional wave with one piece of chocolate cake. You have to stay healthy so that your great posts keep coming 🙂
laughing…thanks Kristin
Great post and comments. I can’t add anything new as it was said already. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you, Liz.
I hope we are teaching kids this stuff…learing as an adult has been difficult for me; I’m still learning. I’ve found that I lacked a level of maturity required to sit through pain because I had escaped my pain since childhood.
I facilitate adolescent groups teaching these skills. I agree with you, kids need to be taught that the moment is just that, the moment. Emotional states come and go, if you can just ride the wave.
Great post. I agree very much. Though I know these things, it’s hard to remember them so clearly on those off days… so I am going to print this out to read on my next difficult day. Thanks. 🙂
It is hard to remember when you are in the moment. Written reminders can be helpful. I have some clients who carry them in their pockets. Thank you, Currie.
I enjoyed reading this. It is my birthday today and I am quite emotional today! So it was nice to read this this morning.
Thank you. Happy birthday to you. Do something special for yourself today. If you are having an emotional day, remember that you may not feel this way tomorrow. All the best to you.
The worst fix is the quick fix. It has the same effect as figuring out where you want to be and then rigging the means to get there; no matter who gets hurt or how much truth, justice and philosophic value gets lost in the process. The only way to make yourself stronger is to take these dark periods head on, rationally, and, examine them closely in order to act with principle in choosing which path to take toward long-term resolution.and comfort.
Very well written, Rick. Thank you so much for your insight.
Great post and great advice/guidance. Time/patience is so often so helpful in letting us get some perspective and giving the more recent (in terms of evolution) parts of the brain a chance to add some insight and context to what we’re feeling (and not having us make matters worse by responding in some rash and or errant way). Learning to think critically and objectively about what we’re feeling seems to be a big key. As Jon Kabat-Zinn said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Great advice for us all–to take up learning how to better surf the waves of our emotions.
Another great article ! Makes so much sence ! Hope your having a great weekend !
I simply love your stuff, It is all so close to all I have come to learn through many of life’s trails and much therapy. I’m so glad I found your site! Bless you and keep up the good work! 🙂
Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I have a passion for sharing what I have learned along the way and things that I have seen help my clients. It is great to connect with you here on WordPress.
Thanks, David!