Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW
Just as the salmon swims upstream, our young girls battle a current. The current of their peers and the current of the media. How can we instill a sense of self-worth in our girls that is more than skin deep; self-worth that is based on true character rather than mere sex appeal? In this day and age, it is more important than ever for our adolescents to know that true beauty comes from within without having to slip on the skin-tight dress that is more appropriate for someone five years their senior.
For those of you who read my blog, you have probably noticed that the majority of my articles have been original. Believe me, there are thousands of wonderful blog posts out there ripe for the reblogging; but I usually prefer to write my own.
Once in a while, I do find something that I just can’t resist. This week I was reading Dr. Wayne Jacob’s blog titled Parenting Tips. Dr. Jacobs has been working in the higher education field for over twenty years and is currently the Dean of the School of Education at LeTourneau University. His post, Getting our Daughters to Dress Modestly, caught my eye.
It caught my eye for several reasons. One reason being, I have a daughter. Another reason being, I counsel many adolescent girls who are looking for love in all the wrong places. Because these girls want to be loved so desperately, they mistakenly think that if they are provocative enough, they will draw in young men who will provide them with the love that they long for. Unfortunately, they do draw in the young men, only to be further injured.
Dr. Jacobs writes, “This issue is more critical than ever in today’s society where adolescents are encouraged by the media and their peers to act and dress years older than they actually are.” He goes on to say, “Everywhere you look, young girls- whether in real life, on television, or in advertisements are dressed in ways that emphasize their sexuality and degrade who they are as people.”
In his article, Dr. Jacobs offers several guidelines to the parents of young girls.
- Set standards early
- Make sure she understands the importance of modesty
- Boost your daughter’s self-esteem
- Replace negative influences with positive influences
- Go shopping with her
He ends his post saying, “And of course, we need to emphasize over and over to them how beautiful they are without having to dress scantily.”
Dr. Jacobs concluded his post with Johnny Diaz’s video, More Beautiful You.
Please take two minutes to watch the More Beautiful You video. It is worth it! You can find the link below. Thank you, Dr. Jacobs for allowing me to share your message.
More Beautiful You: www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNqQUojBg84
Dr. Wayne Jacob’s post: http://waynejacobs.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/
We must have been channeling the same thoughts this week; my post is on the same topic, specific to bathing suit shopping and adults. Great post; I really enjoyed your thoughts! I’ll have to check out the other post as well.
Thank you, Pamela. I will have to check out your post.
I really can relate to what you are talking about, my youngest child was my only girl. We did everything we could to instill inner that she was priceless, and was worth more than any jewel in the world. We had some rocky times with her in high school, but now that she is 27, married and working full time we see that the investment in her self esteem was worth it. Great post and never give up investing in your children.
Yes, Tina. The investment is worth it! Thank you for commenting.
Kristin, I am so with you here. I’d cut/reduce the make-up and ban the tattoos as well. 🙂
Thanks David.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve seen girls as young as six dresed in outfits that I would have refused to wear when I was seventeen and it is so, SO wrong!
My husband is always reminding me that he fell in love with ME and not my teeth (now mostly removed due to a genetic disorder) or my boobs or my figure or even the way I dress (tastefully flirty but not over the top). He fell in love with the person and not the packaging.
Too many young girls grow up having not been informed that the right man isn’t thinking of her in terms of how provocatively she’s dressed or badly he wants to have sex with her. It’s sad.
I’m glad I have a son. He’s profoundly autistic and will never have a romantic relationship – much les a physical one – but all the same he has always been taught to treat everybody with respect, himself included. Girls ought to be taught to respect themselves for who they are instead of what they look like.
Missus Tribble, Thank you so much for commenting on my post. It sounds like you have found a wonderful man and have raised a wonderful son.
Hear, hear! As a father of 6 boys I appreciate your perspective. Mothers teach your daughters that true beauty comes from the inside out. As your daughter’s future father in law, my sons and I thank you. In the meantime, I’ll work hard to help them be all they can be with character and values that will do you and your daughter proud…
Todd,
Six boys, oh my! It sounds like you are doing a great job with the boys- My daughter is still too young, but is arranged marriage out of the question? J
i thank Buddha, every day, that my daughter knows who she is, deep down inside. I see girls all the time walking around in trashy clothes, they are beautiful, if only they would take the time to see and not exemplify the example that their friends present. Very nice blog!
Thanks, Jaz!
Were you looking at my daughter when you wrote this? Ugh! Maybe she will listen to you because her words to me are “Mom, YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!” You know that I am not a prude but clothes that would fit a 6 year old are so unbecoming on a 12 year old. I actually went to an extreme last week and tried to scare her with “my fears”, that she may just attract the attention of some really scary and even dangerous people. She is not completely unaware of news stories.
SB- You know that I adore your daughter. Do not let her convince you that you are ridiculous!
Thanks for posting this. I’m not a mom but have counselled young girls who were grieving and witnessed the looking for love in the wrong places, doing what there friends were (even if it was dangerous), etc.
I think there needs to be a balance …. teaching girls to love their bodies and not be ashamed of their body or their sexuality AND having respect for themselves in how they dress, act, think, and interact with the world and others in the world.
I’m going to pass this on to my friends who have daughters.
Great post!
Thank you for the great insight! The balance that you talk about is soooo important.
Child beauty pageants make me angry. What is wrong with people who want to turn their little girls into provocative (six-year-old) women? And it goes on from there. I see it in the elementary schools – girls wearing spaghetti-strap tops and low, low, low-cut jeans. What are they trying to say? So sad! And of course the peer pressure doesn’t help.
The beauty pageants are about the needs of the parent, not the child. It is sad. Thank you for your comments.
Ver good, I was a ” hippie” however I raised, without really meaning to, two God fearing, modest girls, must have been rebellion, works for me….now with three grandaughters I have caught on to lines of clothing, very old fashioned, lovely and modest, one of my favorites
Are the Matilda Jane clothes. They wear like iron, and we can pass them down….all the dresses become tops just add leggings as they grow….and then pass them down! The fabrics are really incredible!
Nope I don’t sell them, but I am really a happy camper when at a trunk show!
Wonderful suggestions! Like the list of ways of handling this issue. But, I don’t think you meant to say that the skin-tight dress was appropriate for older girls though either. A quick look, I think you missed a disclaimer on that one. I do so enjoy the common sense and insight you bring to these everyday child-rearing moments. Thank you, Renee
Renee,
You are not alone. My husband just told me the same thing; we have a daughter. Thank you.
Keep up the good work. I had to edit my last post a few times after I posted it to cut it down to size. But you’re onto the right stuff! – R
That was so well said! Mothers make a huge mistake by allowing young girls to dress in a provocative manner. They are asking for the wrong kind of attention! AT