Can your emotion lead you astray when overwhelmed by intense feelings? Perhaps. It may not be a good idea to follow your emotion if it means following it blindly while the logical part of your brain is shut down. When you enter an emotional hurricane where intense emotions totally take over, the logical part of your brain shuts down and all reasoning, common sense, and problem solving go out the window.
The optimal state of mind is wise mind. When we are in wise mind we can experience emotion and still retain our reasoning. In wise mind, we feel our anger, our joy, our sorrow, our love, our fear and still make rational decisions- decisions that we do not live to regret.
When our anger turns to rage, our fear turns to panic, our joy turns to euphoria, our love turns to obsession, or any other emotion hits the extreme, we mentally shut down and act off of our pure emotion. We are no longer in wise mind. We are in our extreme emotional mind. Hurricane __________ (add your name) has arrived. This is when we do things we later regret.
So if we know that wise mind is the place to be, how do we stop ourselves from entering cyclone territory? Marsha Linehan, founder of dialectical behavior therapy, came up with evidence based skills that help keep us in wise mind. The skills were not created to be read and forgotten. They were created to be practiced and practiced and practiced until they become habitual. If you have been reacting to the world in a certain way for twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years- you cannot expect your reaction to consistently change overnight. It takes practice.
Below I have listed practices that will help keep you in wise mind or will help get you back into wise mind before emotions hit the intensity of a hurricane.
- Be Aware of Your Emotional Vulnerability– Remember the acronym HALTS. When you are Hungry or Hurried, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Sick, you are more vulnerable to things that may trigger a hurricane. Just knowing this can help. Tell yourself, I have already been feeling out of sorts today, so I know that I may have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. Maybe I need to let this slide. Take care of yourself to prevent emotional vulnerability. Eat small meals throughout the day, give yourself plenty of time to get somewhere, try to get enough sleep, keep your doctor’s appointments, and find an adequate support system.
- Practice Opposite to Emotion Action– This means that you will do the opposite of what you feel like doing if you know it is in your best interest. I FEEL like hitting him, so I will walk away. I FEEL like yelling and screaming, so I will lower my voice. I FEEL like isolating myself due to my depression, so I will find support. I FEEL like harming myself, so I will tell someone immediately. I FEEL like punching the wall, so I will count to ten and breathe.
- Distract Yourself– After a brief distraction, your logic will return. As mentioned above, breathe or count to ten. You may need to count to fifty. Give yourself a two-minute time out. Go for a walk, say the ABCs, count tiles on the wall. Anything that puts time in between an upsetting event and your reaction, may give your brain time to shift back into wise mind. You are usually better off if logic plays a part in your reaction. Give yourself time to think before you act.
- Use Your Teflon Mind– Teflon mind is a dialectical behavior therapy term. It means to let things slip off of you just as an egg slips off of a teflon pan. You do not have to attach yourself to the problems of others. For example, a driver on the highway makes a rude hand gesture at you for no apparent reason. You were having a good day. What is his problem? By using a teflon mind, you continue to have a good day. The other driver can keep his problem- it doesn’t belong to you. You do not have to let it become your problem. Let it slip off. You don’t have to let it attach to you.
- Create a Distress Tolerance Box– Create a box or bag with things that inspire you- things that make you feel good. Try to appeal to your different senses. Music, cards, pictures, affirmations, candles, candy, poetry…. Go to your box when feeling down.
- Build Mastery– Setting and accomplishing goals helps keep you out of the hurricane. It gives you a feeling of accomplishment.
- Daily Meditation and prayer– During meditation, think of something calming and pleasant. Pray and ask for help.
- Practice Mindfulness– Focus on the here and now. Where are you? What are you wearing? How are you feeling? (Don’t judge) What is happening around you right now?- not yesterday, not tomorrow.
- Don’t Judge Feelings– Your feelings and your actions are two separate things. It is okay to feel angry. It is not okay to destroy the house. Observe your feelings without labeling them as good or bad. They just are.
- Avoid Making Assumptions– Look at the facts only. Differentiate facts from assumptions. Many times our emotional reactions have more to do with our assumptions than the reality of the situation.
- Surf the Urge- Ride the wave of emotion without reacting. As you surf the urge without reacting, remind yourself – This, too, shall pass.
Remember that emotions make us human. We can experience our feelings and make rational decisions all at the same time. We can follow our emotions. We just need to make sure that we are in wise mind and that our logical mind agrees.
* If you are unable to get yourself out of extreme emotional mind, or you have thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else, please consult your physician immediately.
Thank you for sharing. I love the list of things I can apply starting today. I’ve been playing with “Don’t Judge Feelings” – my ego still wins much of the time…I know, it’s practice, practice, practice!
Vicki, it is great to hear from you. Yes, practice, practice, practice. Have a terrific weekend!
I needed this – thanks!
Didn’t I tell you, Julie? Isn’t Kristin’s blog a breath of fresh air? Just when we’re getting ourselves in a muddle she comes along with another calmly presented solution.
You are so welcome!
Reblogged this on What I see, what I feel, what I'd like to see… and commented:
Another awesome post!
Todd, thank you for sharing my post! Have a wonderful weekend.
Wise words & a great overview! Thx for sharing your wisdom, Kirstin!
Thank you, John. It is always great to hear from you!
Yep. Any time Hurricane Arlene takes action, it doesn’t seem to end well. Each one of the practices you mention probably could be a blog post of its own.
Arlene, I could write a whole chapter on each. Keep hurricane Arlene in check. Thank you for your comments. I hope you have a wonderful weekend! 🙂
Really good ideas and advice. I particularly respond to the one about opposite actions– this really helps me to stop the downward spiral of negative emotions. Thanks for all these tips!
Yes, I really like action opposite to emotion also. I hope you have a terrific weekend!
Wow. I mean, WOW!!
Looks delicious– and festive!
Lovely!
For me, success is probably more about continually challenging myself to set new goals; every time I’ve been working towards something (like my pilot’s license), when I’ve actually accomplished it, I had a “what do I do now?” reaction. I suspect that when I’m at the end of my life and look back, it will be the fact that I tried so many different things that will feel like the real accomplishment. (Actually, I feel like that now, now that I think about it.) and I hadn’t heard that about Walt Disney– that’s inspiring and encouraging!!
As always, such good ideas and good advice. Thanks, Kristin.
Thank you, Anneli. Have a terrific weekend!
Truly Awesome post! …As usual! 🙂 Definitely worth a reblog! Blessings to you!
Thank you so much for sharing this with your readers. Have a terrific weekend!
My Pleasure..You too! 🙂
Reblogged this on Inner Angels & Enemies and commented:
Some fabulous practical ways to control emotional hurricanes and have less reactive regrets in life. This is a truly fabulous post. I hope you all take the time to read it through. Blessings to you!
Absolutely wonderful article again Kristin! I would probably try to make a differentiation between following your “heart” (title) and you “emotions” just because “heart” could be understood to have some other (more spiritual) symbolic meanings in addition to being seen as the home for emotions. Your advice is excellent as usual. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your comments! You are a perfect example of why I love comments. I try to help people look at things in new ways and that is exactly what you have done for me. I have worked with a lot of people who think they are following their heart when they are actually following intense emotion with their logical mind shut down. Following your heart spiritually is a different thing. Thank you. Have a wonderful weekend!
Kristin – thank you so much for your reply. Have a wonderful weekend too!
Great article, Kristin. There is tons of useful information. Thank you! Ken
You are welcome, Ken. I am glad that you found it useful.
Love this! “Teflon mind.” I like it. I’ve always said “duck’s back,” you know, like water off a duck’s back, but I always get a sideways questioning glance and have to explain. Yours is fairly obvious; I may adopt it. 🙂
“Surfing the urge” helps keep you keep a problem in check as well. While you remain detached from it, you will always remain above it, steadily in control of it, staying with it right to the end (unless you wipe out occasionally like I do!).
One of my clients recently said a duck’s back. 🙂
Reblogged this on The Musings of Lady Gwendolynn and commented:
I was already considering writing a blog on this very subject because of something that happened to me early last month. Honestly, I didn’t think to call the middle ground of logic and emotion, “Wise Mind” but I like this. It works and this article explains what I wanted to in much more depth than I could.
Thank you so much for sharing my post with your readers. I really do hope that it helps many. Have a terrific day!
WOW! You are doing wonderful things here. Happy New Year to YOU!
Thank you, Cindy. Happy New Year! Wishing you good health and happiness!
What you said about reacting the way we do in a state of extreme emotion is something that almost all of us suffer from. You’ve given some great solutions and I can say from experience that praying for help to God (The one and only one who created us), is so, so effective! Just put your trust in him and ask.
In any problematic situation, this is the first thing we should do because no one has the ability to help, if he does not will it. Our creator has sent solutions for all problems of man kind, we just need to find that source, the source which leads to the truth that there’s only one god and we should worship none but him alone.
I truly believe in the power of prayer! It sure has helped me! Thank you so much for your comments.
God has given me many blessings! 🙂