Self-compassionate people hold themselves accountable for their actions.
They are not threatened by their mistakes. Because they do not judge themselves harshly, they are able to admit their mistakes. Because they are able to admit their mistakes, they are able to learn from them and own them. Because they own them they are less likely to blame others for them. They are also less likely to deny or rationalize their unacceptable behaviors.
These people don’t make excuses. They are not threatened by their mistakes and know that their mistakes do not decrease their worth. This personal accountability creates positive momentum and spills over into relationships.
People who judge themselves harshly often engage in all or none thinking. They view people, including themselves, as all good or all bad. In their mind, making a mistake makes them all bad. And because of this, it makes it very difficult for them to admit their mistakes, even to themselves.
Self-compassionate people are able to see themselves more realistically. When they make a mistake, they still see themselves as a good person. They know that the mistake doesn’t define their worth.
Todd Lohenry says
Everything in my life changed for the better when I started to understand and practice self-compassion. Please continue to share your perspective on what true self-compassion looks like…
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Will do! Thanks, Todd.
Arlene Somerton Smith says
These are the kind of people you like to have as bosses.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Yes!
Living with BPD says
Reblogged this on Life after BPD and commented:
Very interesting short read.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Thank you for sharing this with your readers. I hope that you have a good day!
stuartart says
I have certainly been harsh on myself in the past. I have high expectations of myself (which drive me on), but I can sometimes find myself frustrated if I’m not getting the results I want soon enough. Then I have to reconnect with this self-compassion you speak of. It calms me and re-roots me somehow. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
I am glad that it calms you down and re-roots you. If you can push yourself, treat yourself with kindness, avoid harsh self-talk, hold yourself accountable and learn from your mistakes, it sounds like you are on a great track. Self-compassion is kind of like being a “good” parent to yourself. Treat yourself with love, respect, self-discipline, patience, …. that kind of thing. Have a great day Stuart.
stuartart says
That’s it Kristin. Of course we all have moments where we slip back into old behaviours and thought processes. But, if we can practice awareness, those will diminish over time and dissipate more easily. 🙂
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
🙂
jmgoyder says
Just want you to know how much your blog inspires me in my own journey.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
I am so glad!!! Keep up the good work!
kdkh says
This is something I wish I’d learned when I was younger. Better late than never!
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Better late than never. Very true!
Wil says
such a struggle for this all or nothing person.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Yes, but it can be done. Challenge all or none thinking. Be aware of words like “always” and “never”.
Wil says
defintely.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
🙂
Marty says
The Buddhist ideal of do no harm seems easy until we realize it means us first. That means never saying a bad word about us or entertain a negative thought.
The ego is our personal résumé, we do not write our flaws inside our résumé.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Love it!
wordsfromanneli says
Mistakes are to learn from.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Yes!
Amy says
It’s a tiring process to find excuses every time…
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Yes. No need for excuses if we always do our best and realize that we are going to make mistakes. We are human.
Tina Del Buono, PMAC says
Such a reaffirming post for me Kristin, thank you 🙂
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Tina, I am glad. You are so welcome!
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife says
I agree, such a reaffirming post. Sometimes we just need to read the words to hear it!
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
True! I am glad that you found it reaffirming! Thank you for your comments.
lvsrao says
Very Interesting. Ought to know these truths.
Well of you.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Thank you.
Shelly says
I have been diligently practicing self-compassion for over a year. When one treats oneself with loving-kindness and stops beating oneself up, it enlarges one’s ability to have greater compassion for others. Check out this website http://www.self-compassion.org Kristin Neff’s website.
Kristin Barton Cuthriell says
Thank you for sharing this website Shelly. Kristin Neff’s work is awesome! Keep up the good work.