Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW
If you allow yourself to feel, you allow yourself to heal.
When I meet my clients for the first time, most of them are going through some of the toughest times in their lives. Their strength and courage often amazes me. Empathizing as their story unfolds, can sometimes be painfully overwhelming. If it feels overwhelming to me, I often think, imagine what it must be like for them?
Together, we embark on a journey; a journey toward recovery and healing. The journey is usually a process, not an overnight fix. This road to healing is often difficult and sometimes long, but it is a road worth taking. Clients must feel their pain, grieve their losses, and begin to make changes in their lives so that they can find joy again.
Unaware of the long-term consequences, many people take the path of least resistance, avoiding their emotions. They may numb their feelings through the use of alcohol, drugs, sex, food, excessive shopping, gambling or other self-destructive behaviors. Self-medicating in this way, covers up painful emotions temporarily, but they do not go away. A band-aid has been placed over the injury, and the healing process has stopped.
Little do they know, their pain will pop back up in all sorts of different ways. It may show up in the form of somatic symptoms such as back pain, headaches, muscle tension, and gastrointestinal problems. The pain may resurface in the form of addiction, anxiety disorders, depression, or other mental health problems. Unprocessed, the pain may also increase the risk of illness and disease.
It takes a lot of strength to look pain in the eye and fight through it without covering it up in some self-destructive way. I admire my clients for being willing to take on this challenge. Whether their pain is due to a recent experience, they are tackling demons from the past, or they are relinquishing their self-medicating methods, they have chosen to get better. They have chosen to do what it takes to let life in.
One of my clients recently told me that a certain bible verse helps her with her pain. She inspired this post today, and I told her that I would share the verse with my readers. This post also goes out to those of you who are hurting.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Great post…I am in the process of healing and just learning to forgive myself. I suffered from depression because of it and affected all aspects of my life. Finally, taking charge of my life right now and happy about it. Thanks for sharing. All the best, Jenny
We are all capable of change. Forgiving yourself is incredibly important. Remember, you did not know then what you do know now. All the best on your healing journey. Thank you for commenting.
Your welcome Kristin 😉
This is so true. What do you think is going on when people over react? Essentially feeling too much. A friend of mine many years ago found out his wife had been cheating on him and became hysterical, he was like a small child that had lost total control. I knew how he felt as I’d been through the same a couple of years before. Thoughts?
I don’t know your friend so I can’t reply to his situation specifically or even assess whether he over reacted or not. But I can tell you that when an individual’s emotional response appears extreme given the circumstances, some past emotional injury has usually been triggered. The individual may not be able to connect it to the past, but his or her body has made the connection. When this happens, people sometimes regress and act like the injured child that they once were. As for your friend, an old emotional wound may have been triggered, or he just might be extremely upset at the betrayal.
I think it’s so true that facing your pain and dealing with it works best. After my sister died early this month, all her relatives who missed her terribly must have felt as I did, at loose ends. We all live very far apart, so getting together to share our grief was not an option. Her daughter had the wonderful idea of putting up a facebook page that was only for family members and we have been sharing memories, thoughts, and old photos of my sister on it. I think it has been very therapeutic for us all. I know it made me feel better.
Thank you so much for sharing this. What a wonderful idea. A tribute to your sister and therapeutic for family.
Kristin, your empathy oozes thru your post. Your patients are lucky…
Thank you, David.
Thankyou Kristen. I recently lost a friend to breast cancer, who I had been caring for over the last few years. At times, I do find it hard to stare my pain in the face, at times I run too. But I am seeing a lovely therapist, who walks beside me. Your words answered a question I often ask myself, what impact does my pain have on her? I think your clients must be very fortunate to have such an empathic companion on their journeys. Take care, Nell
Nell,
Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are not grieving alone and that you have a good therapist to accompany you on the road to recovery. The therapeutic relationship is very important in the healing process. Therapists often care a great deal about their clients. It is important to find someone in which you connect. It sounds like you have. You will eventually feel better. Thoughts are with you.
Thankyou Kristen. My thoughts are with you also.
Climbing out of a valley is hard work. Having someone like you is definately an aide. Do you have a cane to lean on too?
Thank you for your comments. Yes, I have support. It is so important for us all. Thank you for asking. Have a great day!
Reblogged this on Todd's Perspective and commented:
Good stuff, Kristin — thanks for your writing…
Beautiful. Sharing on FB.
Thank you!
Thank you Kristen! So glad to have your help. You are so kind. I am really enjoying your blogs! Thank you!
A friend of mine gave me that verse from Jeremiah on a little cross. I keep it by my coffee pot, so I see it every morning as a reminder.
Great reminder!
Such good and wise insights…I completely agree that pain must be FELT in full to be faced and begin the healing and strengthening process…
Difficult, but true. Thank for for your comments. I hope you enjoy your day.
Great insights.
Thank you. Genie.